The Parents Teachers Association Children And Young People Essay

Published Date: 23 Mar 2015

INTRODUCTION

The development of children's rights has been one of the great successes of the United Nations. Children are inherently and carry with them society aspirations for the future. In the words of the Geneva Declaration on the rights of the child, mankind owes to the best it has to give.

Meaning Of Children: Is generally a human between the stages of birth and puberty. Some vernacular definitions of a child include the fetus, as being an unborn child. The legal definition of "child" generally refers to a minor, otherwise known as a person younger than the age of majority. "Child" may also describe a relationship with a parent or authority figure, or signify group membership in a clan, tribe, or religion; it can also signify being strongly affected by a specific time, place, or circumstance, as in "a child of nature".

Children are also defined as a person under the age of 18 years as stipulated in the Children Act, 2001 and The Convention On The Right of The Child.

Parents Teachers Association (PTA)

Parents Teachers Association (PTA) is a formal organization composed of parents, teachers and staff that is intended to facilitate parental participation in a public or private school. It role is to encourage closer link between home and school. The goal of all PTA is to support their school, encourage parents involvement, support teacher and organize family events.

As the largerst volunteer child advocacy association in the nation, PTA reminds our country of its obligations to children and provide parents and families with a powerful voice to speak on behalf of every child while providing the best tool for parents to help their children be successful students.

Aims and Objective of PTA

To promote the welfare of children, adolescent and youth in the home, the school and the community.

To create better understanding between parents and teachers and harmonious relationship between the school and the community.

To create the necessary consciousness among parents to stimulate their interest in their children and the school.

To work for the improvement of the school with the united efforts of parents, teachers on school authorities.

To help parents and teacher to adopt themselves to the changing concepts of society

To produce suitable literature for the purpose.

Functions of PTA

To help the parents to understand the school programs by arranging open days at school when parents can visit the school and observe their children at work.

To arrange for frequent general meetings where parents teachers consultation are possible in a group as well as individually.

To prepare program which can increase cooperation between school and community and can create better mutual understanding between parents and teachers.

To provide various opportunities to parents and teachers to meet on equal footing, and discuss problems of their children.

To arrange for social get-together and program of recreation for parents and teachers.

Meaning Of Discipline

Discipline is the training of mind and character to produce self-control, obedience etc.; school discipline, military discipline, home/family discipline. The result of such discipline allows the individual child to experience various codes of conduct according to personal and social behoural desires. Discipline can also function as a form of punishment. External motivation to help the child choose correct v incorrect ideas of behaviour.

Discipline of children involves a set of rules, rewards and or punishment to teach them about self-control. It is aimed at increasing desired behaviours in a child to aid their development.

Discipline refers to systematic instruction given by both society and parental/family regarding a certain set of rules, values, morals etc. It is means directing a person to follow a certain code of conduct. In its original sense, discipline is referred to as a systematic instruction given to disciple and train students in a craft or trade, or to follow a particular code of conduct or "order" often, the phrase "to discipline" carries a negative connotation. This is because when ensuring enforced instructions the process is often regulated through some form of punishment.

Disciplining a child is to develop and reinforce appropriate social behaviour and to enforce a positive attitude within children. In the field of child development, discipline refers to methods of modelling character and of teaching self-control and acceptable behaviour. For example, teaching a child to wash her/his hands before meals is a particular pattern of behaviour and the child is being disciplined to adopt that pattern.

The main objective of the establishment of child discipline is to foster self-esteem and morals so the child develops and maintains self-discipline throughout his/her life. To discipline also gives rise to the word disciplinarian, which denotes a person who enforces order.

Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as parents, the professional practice of behaviour analysis, developmental psychology, social work, and various religious perspectives. Because the values, beliefs, education, customs and cultures of people vary so widely, along with the age and temperament of the child, methods of child, methods of child discipline vary widely in this world. "Without discipline there is nothing to be proud of" Richard L Kemp. This is because of the need to maintain order .That is, ensuring instructions are carried out. It is Important to maintain discipline and order, making sure the instructions are executed. Order is often regulated through punishment.

Discipline of children is the process of teaching children to behave in a fit and proper fashion. This is often done with punishment being either physical or involving loss of property or privileges. It is a vital factor in a shaping one's personality. In western societies, discipline of children is a hot topic. It has been debated in recent years over the use of corporal punishment for children in general and increased attention has been given to the concept of 'positive parenting" where good behaviour is encouraged and rewarded.

Child Act 2001 (Act 611)

There are some parts of the Child Act that can we relate with this topic about child discipline and abuse on them.

An Act consolidate and amend the laws relating to the care, protection and rehabilitation of children and to provide for matters connected therewith and incidental thereto.

RECOGNIZING that the country's vision of a fully developed nation is one where social justice and moral, ethical and spiritual developments are just as important as economic development in creating a civil Malaysian society which is united, progressive, peaceful, caring, just and humane.

RECOGNIZING that a child is not only a crucial component of such a society but also the key to its survival, development and prosperity.

ACKNOWLEDGING that a child, by reason of his physical, mental and emotional immaturity, is in need of special safeguards, care and assistance, after birth, to enable him to participate in and contribute positively towards the attainment of the ideals of a civil Malaysian society.

RECOGNIZING every child is entitled to protection and assistance in all circumstances without regard to distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, social origin or physical, mental or emotional disabilities or any other status.

ACKNOWLEDGING the family as the fundamental group in society which provides the natural environment for the growth, support and well-being of all its members, particularly children, so that they may develop in an environment of peace, happiness, love and understanding in order to attain the full confidence, dignity and worth of human person.

RECOGNIZING the role and responsibility of the family in society, that they be afforded the necessary assistance to enable them to fully assume their responsibilities as the source of care, support, rehabilitation and development of children in society.

Below are some of the acts that we means of:

No. 17; Meaning of child in need of care and protection

(1) A child is in need of care and protection if…

a) the child has been or there is substantial risk that the child will be physically injured or emotionally injured or sexually abused by his parent or guardian or a member of his extended family.

b) the child has been or there is substantial risk that the child will be physically injured or emotionally injured or sexually abused and his parent or guardian, knowing of such injury or abuse or risk, has not protected or is unlikely to protect the child from such injury or abuse.

c) the parent or guardian of the child is unfit, or has neglected, or is unable, to exercise proper supervision and control over the child and the child is falling into bad association.

d) the parent or guardian of the child has neglected or is unwilling to provide for him adequate care, food, clothing and shelter.

e) the child has no parent or guardian;

(i) has been abandoned by his parent or guardian and after reasonable inquiries

(ii) has been abandoned by his parent or guardian and after reasonable inquiries the parent or guardian cannot be found, and no other suitable person is willing and able to care for the chid.

f) the child needs to be examined, investigated or treated….

(i) for the purpose of restoring or preserving his health

(ii) his parent or guardian neglects or refuses to have him so examined, investigated or treated.

g) the child behaves in a manner that is, or is likely to be, harmful to himself or to any other person and his parent or guardian is unable or unwilling to take necessary measures to remedy the situation or the remedial measures taken by the parent or guardian fail.

h) there is such a conflict between the child and his parent or guardian or between his parent or guardian that family relationship are seriously disrupted, thereby causing him emotional injury.

i) the child is a person in respect of whom any of the offences specified in the first schedule or any offence of the nature described in section 31, 32, and 33 and has been or is suspected to have been committed, and his parent or guardian…

(i) is the person who committed such offence or is suspected to have committed such offence

(ii) has not protected or is unlikely to protect him from such offence.

j) the child is…

(i) a member of the same household as the child referred to in paragraph (i)

(ii) a member of the same household as the person who has been convicted of the offence and appear to be in danger of the commission upon or in respect of him of a similar offence and his parent or guardian…

(aa) is the person who committed or is suspected to have committed the offence

(bb) is the person who is convicted of such offence

(cc) is unable or unwilling to protect him from such offence

No. 29 ; Duty of member of the family

1) If any member of the family of a child believes on reasonable grounds that the child is physically or emotionally injured as a result of being ill-treated, neglected, abandoned, or exposed, he shall immediately inform a protector.

2) Any member of the family who fails to comply with subsection (1) commits an offence and shall on conviction be released on a based on conditions to determined by the court.

3) Any member of the family who fails to comply with any of the conditions of the bond provided in subsection (2) commits an offence and shall on conviction be liable to a fine no exceeding five thousand ringgit or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years or to both.

No. 29 ; Duty of the child provider

(i) if a child care provider believes on reasonable grounds that a child is physically or emotionally injured as a result of being ill-treated, neglected, abandoned or exposed. He shall immediately inform a protector.

(ii) any child provider who fails to comply with subsection (i) commit an offence and shall on conviction be liable to a fine not exceeding five thousand ringgit or to imprisonment for a term no exceeding two years or to both.

N0. 38 ; Meaning of child in need protection and rehabilitation

A child is in need of protection and rehabilitation if the child…

(a) is being induced to perform any sexual act, or is in any physical or social environment which may lead to the performance of such act.

(b) lives in or frequents any brothel or place of assignation.

(c) is habitually in the company or under the control of brothel, keepers or person employed or directly interested in the business carried on in brothels or in connection with prostitution.

Convention On The Rights Of The Children

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (commonly abbreviated as the CRC, CROC, or UNCRC) is a human rights treaty setting out the civil, political, economic, social, health and cultural rights of children. The Convention generally defines a child as any human being under the age of eighteen, unless an earlier age of majority is recognized by a country's law.

The Convention deals with the child-specific needs and rights. It requires that states act in the best interests of the child. This approach is different from the common law approach found in many countries that had previously treated children as possessions or chattels, ownership of which was sometimes argued over in family disputes.

In many jurisdictions, properly implementing the Convention requires an overhaul of child custody and guardianship laws, or, at the very least, a creative approach within the existing laws. The Convention acknowledges that every child has certain basic rights, including the right to life, his or her own name and identity, to be raised by his or her parents within a family or cultural grouping, and to have a relationship with both parents, even if they are separated.

The Convention obliges states to allow parents to exercise their parental responsibilities. The Convention also acknowledges that children have the right to express their opinions and to have those opinions heard and acted upon when appropriate, to be protected from abuse or exploitation, and to have their privacy protected, and it requires that their lives not be subject to excessive interference.

The Convention also obliges signatory states to provide separate legal representation for a child in any judicial dispute concerning their care and asks that the child's viewpoint be heard in such cases. The Convention forbids capital punishment for children.

However, we will not mention and elaborate all the contains of the declaration but only certain part that related with our topic discussion. Those are Article 1, Article 2, Article 7, Article 13, Article 14, Article 15, Article 28(1)(a) and Article 37.

Article 1

For the purposes of the present Convention, a child means every human being below the age of eighteen years unless under the law applicable to the child, majority is attained earlier.

Article 2

1. States Parties shall respect and ensure the rights set forth in the present Convention to each child within their jurisdiction without discrimination of any kind, irrespective of the child's or his or her parent's or legal guardian's race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national, ethnic or social origin, property, disability, birth or other status.

2. States Parties shall take all appropriate measures to ensure that the child is protected against all forms of discrimination or punishment on the basis of the status, activities, expressed opinions, or beliefs of the child's parents, legal guardians, or family members.

Article 7

1. The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents.

2. States Parties shall ensure the implementation of these rights in accordance with their national law and their obligations under the relevant international instruments in this field, in particular where the child would otherwise be stateless.

Article 13

1. The child shall have the right to freedom of expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive and impart information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of the child's choice.

2. The exercise of this right may be subject to certain restrictions, but these shall only be such as are provided by law and are necessary:

(a) For respect of the rights or reputations of others; or

(b) For the protection of national security or of public order (order public), or of public health or morals.

Article 14

1. States Parties shall respect the right of the child to freedom of thought, conscience and religion.

2. States Parties shall respect the rights and duties of the parents and, when applicable, legal guardians, to provide direction to the child in the exercise of his or her right in a manner consistent with the evolving capacities of the child.

3. Freedom to manifest one's religion or beliefs may be subject only to such limitations as are prescribed by law and are necessary to protect public safety, order, health or morals, or the fundamental rights and freedoms of others.

Article 15

1. States Parties recognize the rights of the child to freedom of association and to freedom of peaceful assembly.

2. No restrictions may be placed on the exercise of these rights other than those imposed in conformity with the law and which are necessary in a democratic society in the interests of national security or public safety, public order (order public), the protection of public health or morals or the protection of the rights and freedoms of others.

Article 28

1. States Parties recognize the right of the child to education, and with a view to achieving this right progressively and on the basis of equal opportunity, they shall, in particular:

(a) Make primary education compulsory and available free to all;

Article 37

States Parties shall ensure that:

(a) No child shall be subjected to torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment. Neither capital punishment nor life imprisonment without possibility of release shall be imposed for offences committed by persons below eighteen years of age;

(b) No child shall be deprived of his or her liberty unlawfully or arbitrarily. The arrest, detention or imprisonment of a child shall be in conformity with the law and shall be used only as a measure of last resort and for the shortest appropriate period of time;

(c) Every child deprived of liberty shall be treated with humanity and respect for the inherent dignity of the human person, and in a manner which takes into account the needs of persons of his or her age. In particular, every child deprived of liberty shall be separated from adults unless it is considered in the child's best interest not to do so and shall have the right to maintain contact with his or her family through correspondence and visits, save in exceptional circumstances;

(d) Every child deprived of his or her liberty shall have the right to prompt access to legal and other appropriate assistance, as well as the right to challenge the legality of the deprivation of his or her liberty before a court or other competent, independent and impartial authority, and to a prompt decision on any such action.

National Child Policy

Malaysia is among the country that totally against the abuse, neglect, violence and exploitation on the children. National Child Policy is a policy on the rights of survival, protection, development and participation of children in order to enjoy the opportunity and space to achieve the holistic development of a conducive environment. National Child Policy aims to produce individuals who are healthy, energetic, knowledgeable, innovative, creative, competitive, progressive and has good values.

First of all, the government held this policy is to ensure that every child has the right to live of custody, care, love, health services, support and social assistance. Second, all the children with disabilities have the right to be protected from any of neglect, abuse, violence and exploitation, and subsequently was habilitation, rehabilitation and integrated into family and community. Third, every child has the right to development of holistic physical, cognitive, language, socio-emotional, and spiritual character. Fourth, every child has the right to speak out, participate in (join) and participate according to their capacity in matters relating to the best interests and welfare. Fifth, parents or caregivers, community and society aware of children's right to survival, protection, development and participation. And the last, research and development on survival, protection, development and participation of children carried out from time to time.

THE IMPORTANCE OF DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

Discipline is a necessity for children in order to train them to behave in a certain way. In addition, discipline is necessary to ensure the happiness and welfare of a child. Discipline is also important because it enables children to grow in many various aspects of life. If discipline is not applied to the child, they may not be able to lead a decent life. For children who are still at primary school level in particular, they are learning to manage behavior and regulate themselves. These children will go through various challenges and tests. They will have to navigate the challenges and temptations of many different events, and their success will rely upon their attitude and self-discipline.

Many parents mistakenly believe that children are not disciplined well or often enough. They can be dissatisfied with what is happening in their environment and how they perceive society is dealing with the new generation. Many teachers can have a bad experience within their daily working day. They were confronted with badly behaved students. This has led them to wonder whether they are being disciplined at all. Often when people refer to individuals who are not well disciplined they point out certain characteristics such as a lack of motivation, apathetic behaviour, rowdiness, and even jealous, spiteful and deceptive behaviour. How is it that they behave this way? This is a mysterious question. If discipline is to work properly what must happen is that the child needs to feel valued and then they can begin to appreciate themselves. So, how can this be manifested in children? The most accurate answer perhaps is that it must be learned over time through a consistent set of disciplined measures instigated in the home and school environment. However, one must be careful to not over play the discipline card it must be administered in a loving natural way depending on the situation, such as in the classroom, church, on the football field, playing in the swimming pool to name but a few scenarios. Why do we discipline? We discipline to provide for social order and individual productivity.

Behaviors: Child discipline is essential in order to install good behavior amongst youngsters. Without good discipline the next generation could display personalities of a lower quality. Everybody has their own opinion on how we should discipline a child. All of this (opinion) is strongly influence by culture and religion.

Nature and nurture: Nature is somebody's character that is built from society and or environment. Nurture is education and care that is given paternally and both will affect a child's development and attitude. One must also consider what we have inside of us, the personality we are born with. Again this has an effect on the person we become. So, in connection to discipline all of these have an effect on why and how we discipline a child. Parents may have an agenda, for example religion, and society may has an agenda, for example don't be lazy, pay taxes, all of this has an effect on how we want a child to behave and how we want a child to be disciplined. Parent should consider the environment that their child exists within as well as their own personal agenda when deciding on appropriate ways to discipline. Parents must also be cautious not to sometimes repeat certain methods of discipline that were once administered to them when they were young. Violent forms of correcting behaviour can be very damaging to the individual and can cross the line from discipline to abuse.

Moral: We should try to implement the same code of conduct even though around the world there are differences in culture, religion and race. We have to find the similarity between us all as much as is possible. Individual rules are the ways we personally want a child to behave and social rules are the ways that society wants a child to behave. Both of which strongly influence the ways in which a child is disciplined and the different ways that discipline is carried out.

However the fundamental reason is that as parents and as a society on whole we have a duty and responsibility to try our best to enable every child the full amount of love and opportunities available and it seems that iscan only be achieved through a common self of beliefs and codes of conduct instructed via various form of discipline.

HOW TO DISCIPLINING THE CHILDREN

Discipline means "to teach and train". Caregivers or parents and teachers need to be good disciplinarians, to acquire skills that will accomplish the goal they set for themselves.

There are several ways to "make" children behave. One is by using force, fear, and punishment. Unfortunately, these three methods imply that the caregiver is superior and should overpower the child. Rather than leading to a child with inner control, they make the child angry, resentful, fearful and dependent upon force. As the caregivers, they should not teaching and disciplining their children without using force, fear, and punishment. By offering parents and teachers proven ways to reinforce good behavior and minimize misbehavior it is hoped that the vicious cycle of child abuse and neglect will be broken

There is another way to discipline children. Though it may not appear to get the immediate results we might like, it is safer, more natural and humanistic. It is based on the assumption that children are by nature good, fair, and honest and ultimately capable of responding to that which is good, fair and honest within us. This method is to treat the child with respect. It is treating the child as if he or she is as important a human being as others.

Consistency also important for discipline and this same goes to parents who are teaching and instilling discipline on their children. Disciplining children are not easy and with the lack of consistency on caregivers or teachers discipline, it makes the children unsure and confused with the teaching. But once they are consistent, the children will take things seriously and obey them. Parents or caregivers should make an exception when disciplining the children. For instance, when they are for holidays or at grandparent's house, parents must keep on focus and remind the children about it so they will know it is important for them to obey their parent. However, if the situation persists, parents should make a special exception and let the children know earlier about it and tell them this is not permanent. Caregivers or teachers must be realistic in their expectations of the children. They must not ask the child to do anything that that child cannot do. Asking the child to do what he or she able to do, or the child will get frustrated and be less likely to listen to them in future.

It is important for the children to understand that the same result will come from the same behavior. Parents and caregivers must make the child feel like he/she has control their life. If they can count on the rules staying the same, they are more likely to obey by them. Beside that, caregivers, parent and teachers must giving explanation in terms the child able to understand. Taking time to explain the reasons behind why they are asking he/she to behave in certain ways is among the best way in disciplining the child. For example, if the child understand the kind of behavior that them avoid of, they are more likely to apply that reasoning to different situations, instead of learning to stop one behavior at a time.

DISCIPLINING THE CHILD IN ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVES

There is a strong requirement in Islam to show love and mercy towards children, and to preserve their dignity - this is just as much a right of the child as the right to be fed, clothed, and educated. One of my favourite stories is this one:

Abu Hurairah reported: The Prophet (Muhammad) kissed his grandson Al-Hasan bin `Ali in the presence of Al-Aqra` bin Habis. Thereupon he (Al-Aqra` bin Habis) remarked: "I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them." The Messenger of Allah (Muhammad) looked at him and said, "He who does not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy".

Fear as a method of raising children is effective in that it limits behaviour and enforces compliance. The consequence is that this fear damages the relationship between child and parent. Children are unlikely to confide their troubles to parents who they fear. A parent should not be resorting to fear, but to respect and love. The best form of discipline is, of course, being an example yourself of the kind of conduct you wish to inspire in your children. The proposed referendum is mischievous in its intent. The wording does not mention Section 59, it does not provide any solutions to dealing with the "reasonable force" defense which resulted in juries discharging parents who had used severe forms of physical violence. The referendum question shows little interest in the welfare or the rights of children, and that is its biggest failing. Children are not able to speak or advocate for themselves, nor do they have any ability to participate in the law-making process. It is up to us, as adults, to protect those rights and ensure that the vulnerable are kept safe. Gentleness is preferred according to the tradition of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the examples set during his own life.

Child abuse is forbidden in Islam. Islam teaches love and affection . As quote the hadith in which the Prophet SAW narrated "show respect to your elders and affection to your youngers". Islam allows disciplining of children out of necessity, so that children do not go out of hand. On the other hand, such strict rules have been imposed in this matter, that does not allow any abuse of authority by the parent. In accordance with the teachings of Islam, occasions do arise when children need to be disciplined, even to the extent of employing corporal punishment. Among the ten important advises that Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) had enjoined upon his beloved companion, Hadhrat Muáaz bin Jabal (Radhiyallaahu Anhu), one of them is 'let your rod be hanging on them (children), as a warning and to chastise against neglect of their duties towards Allah'. (Ahmad; Tabraani-Kabeer). According to this Hadith, it is evident that Muslims should not spare the proverbial 'rod' in checking their children from becoming reckless in doing anything they like. Sometimes, it is necessary to use the rod. It is a general observation that many parents out of a false sense of pity and sympathy for their children, neglect and turn a blind eye to this important teaching of Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), but when their children get spoilt, they cry and complain about them, 'To spare the rod and spoil the child' is no kindness at all.

Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) has often been reported to have said, 'Enjoin Salaah on your child when he is seven years old and beat him if he neglects it after he reaches ten years of age'. (Abu Dawood; Durr-Manthoor). Once more, the emphasis on beating a child who defaults in the important duty of offering Salaah is clearly indicated in this Hadith. Initially, it is the fear of the rod that compels a child to fulfill the taxing injunction of Salaah, then by dint of habit it becomes accustomed to offering Salaah. Not only did Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) encourage the use of the rod at the time of need, he even prayed for those parents who kept the rod hanging in the home for the purpose of maintaining discipline and admonition. He is reported to have said, 'May Allah Taãla bless the person who keeps a lash hanging in his house for the admonition of his house folk'. (Jami Sagheer). Luqman (Alayhis Salaam), the wise, used to explain the importance of the rod in these words 'The use of the rod on a child is as indispensable as is water for the fields'. (Durr-Manthoor).

The first and foremost rule to remember is NEVER to punish a child in the state of anger or emotion. In this state, the intellect becomes clouded and proper reasoning is impossible. Calm down completely, lie down, drink water, take a walk. Thereafter, think twice or thrice, over the gravity of the situation, the extent of mischief and misbehaviour. A suitable form of discipline should be considered thereafter. The outcome of uncontrollable rage at the time of disciplining can be disastrous. Terrible damage or harm could be done. It could leave behind a lifelong regret.

As a last resort, if the child is to be beaten, never strike the face, head or any other sensitive part of the body. Never inflict wounds, weals or bruises to any part of the body. This is forbidden in Islam. If these Sharée limits are not adhered to, the parent will be guilty of Dhulm (oppression), for which a heavy price will have to be paid on the day of Qiyaamat if pardon was not obtained from the oppressed. It must also be remembered that the forgiving of a minor is not valid; only after attaining puberty will the forgiveness of a child be valid. Hitting may be used as a means of discipline when the situation requires that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) commanded us to smack children for not praying when they reach the age of ten, but this should be the last resort, when all others have failed, and there should be no harshness in the hitting, and we must not hit the face. The father should not hit his child at the time of extreme anger, or with a sharp instrument that may injure him, or with anything that may break bones, and he should not hit him in a place where a blow may be fatal. Brandishing the stick may be more effective than actually hitting. The point is that when disciplining his child, a father should follow the principle of using the gentlest means then the next gentlest; he should not resort to the harshest and most difficult means if he can achieve his aim with something that is easier and gentler. With regard the guidance of children, the parents must do the things that will lead to that, such as advising them, keeping them away from bad  company, helping them to maintain ties with righteous friends, treating them well and continuing to pray for them to be righteous and to be guided. Among the du'aa's for children that have been narrated are:

"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes" [al-Furqaan 25:74 - interpretation of the meaning]

and:

"and make my offspring good" [al-Ahqaaf 46:15 - interpretation of the meaning]

-- or any other good du'aa', but along with making du'aa' one  must also use other means that will help to make them strong and steadfast in Islam. And Allaah is the guide to the Straight Path.

The Islamic viewpoints on this matter is very clear. It is a balanced approach. On the one hand Islam allows disciplining of children out of necessity, so that children do not go out of hand. On the other hand, such strict rules have been imposed in this matter, thus not allow any abuse of authority by the parents. In accordance with the teachings of Islam, occasions do arise when children need to be disciplined, even to the extent of employing corporal punishment.

Among the ten important advise that Nabi Muhammad (S.A.W) had enjoined upon his beloved companion, HadratMuazz bin Jabal (R.A), one of them is 'let your rod be hanging on them (children), as a warning and to chastise against neglect of their duties towards Allah'. (Ahmad; Tabrani-Kabeer). According to this Hadith, it is evident that Muslim should not spare the proverbial 'rod' in checking their children from becoming reckless in doing anything they like. Sometimes, it is necessary to use the rod. It is general observation that many parents out of a false sense of pity and sympathy for their children, neglect and turn blind eye to this important teaching of Nabi Muhammad (S.A.W), but when their children get spoilt, they cry and complain about them. Nabi Muhammad (S.A.W) has often be reported to have said, 'Enjoin Salah on your child when he is seven years old and beat him if he neglects it after he reaches ten years of ages'. (Abu Dawood); Durr-Manthoor). One more, the emphasis on beating a child who defaults in the important duty of offering Salah is clearly indicated in this hadith. Initially, it is the fear of rod that compels a child to fulfill taxing injunction of Salah, then by dint of habit it becomes accustomed to offering Salah. Not only did Nabi Muhammad (S.A.W) encourage the use of the rod at the time of need, he even prayed for those parents who kept the rod hanging in the home for purpose of maintaining discipline and admonition. He is reported to have said, 'May Allah (S.W.T) bless the person who keeps a lash hanging in his house for the admonition of his house folk'. (Jami Sagheer). Luqman (A.S), the wise, used to explain the importance of the rod in these words 'The use of the rod on a child is a indispensable as is water for the fields'. (Durr-Manthoor.

DISCIPLINING CHILD ACCORDING TO SOME RACES IN MALAYSIA

In Malay culture, parents have very important roles in directing the children toward the right behavior and attitude. Parents are also responsible for transmitting the teachings of religion and culture to their children. Malay parents are regarded as clear authority figures and are obeyed without question. They pay attention to the spiritual growth in the development of the children.

The exposure of worldwide culture by the media which introduces Western behavior to the

young, have challenged Malay traditional parents. For these parents who are mostly trained by

traditional norms, Western behaviors are unacceptable practice. Although a majority of Malay parents tent to uphold this tradition, there are however, some who may not totally reject the Western behavior pattern. Nonetheless, Malays continue to emphasize values such as unity, sharing, and caring for others.

Among Chinese families, interactions between parent and child differ from one age period to another. Parents tend to be more lenient toward infants and young children because they are considered as tung-shih or too young to understand things. In contrast, parents treat older children in a harsh and strict manner and also expect them to control their emotions and impulses. Beginning around middle childhood and early adolescence children encounter some difficulties and conflicts with their parent's increasing expectations towards them. Amazingly, the term "storm and stress" which is notable in the period of adolescence in Western societies, has not been observed in Chinese. Chinese medium school

students are more disciplined, obtained higher academic scores and value their Chinese cultural beliefs. For the Chinese, dependency has been sustained when reaching the age of tung-shih. Parents have to approve the major decisions of their children such as career and marriage.

There are some differences in parenting of the children according to their gender. Parents seem to have an authoritarian relationship with their sons; fathers also have firm rules as well as demand teaching for their sons than daughters.

Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud. Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleep away camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.

The structure of the Indian families has been described as patriarchal, patrilineal, and patrilocal. Indian parents tend to stress on respect, obedience and high academic achievement in their children. Furthermore, they encourage their children to control themselves, be patient and not yield to passion. Child's independence is considered as a threat to the parents. In Indian families, parents have different behaviors towards their sons and daughters. Parents protect their female children more than males. Additionally, children, particularly girls, are inhibited from showing assertive behavior and autonomy.

LEVEL OF DISCIPLINE

Below 6 years old

Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. So it's wise to eliminate temptations and no items such as TVs and video equipment, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and medications should be kept well out of reach. When your crawling baby or roving toddler heads toward an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say "No" and either remove your child from the area or distract him or her with an appropriate activity. Timeouts can be effective discipline for toddlers. A child who has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, for example, should be told why the behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated timeout area - a kitchen chair or bottom stair - for a minute or two to calm down (longer timeouts are not effective for toddlers).

It's important to not spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. Babies and toddlers are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They will only feel the pain of the hit. And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around. As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home. Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior. For instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences.

The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important for parents to decide (together, if you are not a single parent) what the rules are and then uphold them. While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good behaviors. Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have - discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child for the opposite behavior - not sharing. And be specific when doling out praise; don't just say, "Good job!" If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and unacceptable behaviors every day. This will give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem. Rewards and consequences should be given on a daily basis. Long-term consequences have little effect.

Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Establish a suitable timeout place that's free of distractions and will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. Remember, getting sent to your room doesn't have an impact if a computer, TV, and video games are there. Don't forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation). It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."

Ages 6 to 8

Timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group. Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say.

Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment ("Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again!") in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day. Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away.

Ages 9 to 12

Kids in this age group - just as with all ages - can be disciplined with natural consequences. As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline. For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not - you'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade. It's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a favor by letting them fail sometimes. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won't make those mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, set up some of your own to help modify the behavior

Ages 13 and Up

By now you've laid the groundwork. Your child knows what's expected and that you mean what you say about the penalties for bad behavior. Don't let down your guard now - discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. Just as with the 4-year-old who needs you to set a bedtime and enforce it, your teen needs boundaries, too. Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. Your teen will probably complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. Believe it or not, teens still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them greater freedom and responsibility. When your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action. While it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming home an hour past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome. Remember to give a teenager some control over things. Not only will this limit the number of power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make. You could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even the condition of his or her room. As your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended to include an occasional relaxed curfew. It's also important to focus on the positives. For example, have your teen earn a later curfew by demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for irresponsible behavior.

COMMON DISCIPLINE MISTAKES

There are some of the most common discipline mistakes parents make that we would like to discuss here.

Losing The Temper

When parents habitually yell at the children, the child can end up yelling back at them. Children are actually more responsive to calm requests and commands.

Disagreeing on Rules

Never disagree on discipline in front of the children. Parents must present a united front to their kids when enforcing rules. Otherwise, they will quickly learn how to "divide and conquer."

Treating Children as Small Adults

Although the parents want their children to know that they are heard, parents should not make the mistake of letting them have an equal say in the rules of the household. This is a parent/child relationship, not a democracy. As children get older, parents can explain the reasoning behind their decisions.

Unhealthy Praise

Parents should be careful of praising their children too much or too little. Appropriate praise can be healthy and build self-esteem, but if overused, it can leave a child feeling inadequate when he/she doesn't receive it. Give affirmation for positive behavior and hopefully, the child will repeat the good behaviors that bring appreciation.

Inconsistent Discipline

It's important that parents are consistent with discipline in order to avoid making their children confused about guidelines and consequences. For example, if action A leads to consequence B, it needs to do so all of the time.

Inappropriate Punishment

The punishment should be a natural and logical consequence of the punishable behavior. If the punishment isn't fair, parents can lose the opportunity to "teach" the child through the act of disciplining because child's focus will be on the unfair punishment.

COMPARISON BETWEEN ABUSE AND DISCIPLINE CHILDREN

ABUSE

DISCIPLINE

Demonstrate anger and hostility

Demonstrate love and affection

Make child listen

Teach child right from wrong

Teach child that decisions are at the whim of the caregiver

Teach child to make healthy choices

Caregiver has all the power; child is given no respect

Based on a balanced of power and mutual respect

Involves humiliation

Does not involve humiliation

Discipline is different from punishment because it teaches children to learn from their mistakes rather than making them suffer for them. In fact, imposing suffering actually shifts the focus from the lesson that needs to be learned to who is in control. As a result, punishment focuses on the parent being responsible for controlling a child's behavior, rather than the child controlling his/her own behavior, which is the focus of discipline.

In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences, which she calls the Four R's of consequences. These four R's actually apply to all discipline techniques, not just natural and logical consequences. Whatever discipline technique you choose, make sure it meets the following four criteria:

Whenever possible, REVEAL the consequences of misbehavior ahead of time so children will know what to expect the next time they choose to misbehave.

"If you want to ride your bike, you need to stay on the sidewalk or I'll know you've decided to put it in the garage."

Notice how the responsibility for the behavior and its effect are on the child rather than the parent. Can you tell how different this sounds than if the parent said, "Don't go in the street or I'll take your bike away." First of all, this wording gives the child the idea to go in the street (See "Don't say Don't!" July 1993 T.I.P.S.) then challenges the child to test the rule by wording it like a power threat.

The discipline should be logically RELATED to the misbehavior. Sending a child to bed or restricting a child from TV has nothing to do with riding a bike in the street

· Present your comments in a RESPECTFUL manner that lets children know they have a choice about how they behave.

"When I see you riding your bike in the street, I know you're not ready to ride it safely and need to put the bike away."

Notice how different this sounds than, "That's it, get out of the street! I'm taking your bike away for the rest of the day! You could get killed out there!" When we speak to children in disrespectful ways, they respect us less and tend to talk back at us disrespectfully more often. We earn others' respect by showing respect to them first.

Provide a REASONABLE solution that will allow children an opportunity to correct the behavior while the lesson is fresh in their minds.

"You can try to ride your bike again on the sidewalk after lunch."

Notice that the time limit was a matter of hours, rather than days. Always make the time limit as minimal as possible, but long enough to emphasize the lesson. Also, notice that the correct behavior was presented as a choice. The parent is respectfully revealing the discipline again before giving the child another chance.

Each time the child violates the rule, increase the time limit gradually. If you restrict children from a bike for a week the first time, they'll spend more time dwelling on their resentment than thinking about the lesson. If they make the same mistake again, they're likely to lose the bike for a month! Children need practice at being good -- and we need to be honest with ourselves and decide whether our goal is to teach positive behavior, to show who is in power, or to get revenge.

If any one of the Four R's is missing from the discipline, it turns the technique into punishment, which has Four (new) Four R's: Resentment, Rebellion, Revenge, and Retreat (lying, learning to not get caught, running away). If your child reacts in any of these ways, review how you presented your discipline. Chances are, one of the Four R's of Discipline was missing. But don't worry, children always give us another chance to learn from our mistakes!

WHEN DOES THE DISCIPLINE BECOME ABUSE

Some types of physical actions are clearly abusive. It is never okay for an adult to disciplining the child with illegal ways. However, the line between parental and child abuse is not always that clear. Many families strongly believe in spanking as a means of punishment, for example. Other families believe that spanking is a form of child abuse. Most states do not have a law that prohibits spanking but instead rely on their child abuse statutes to determine if an individual case crossed the line between discipline and abuse. Most states do not prohibit parents from spanking their children in all circumstances. However, all of the states have statutes that define child abuse. If a parent is accused of child abuse because he or she has struck a child then a judge or jury would need to decide whether the parent's actions constituted abuse, based on the state law as applied to the facts of the specific case.

The federal government has enacted the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA) which provides minimum standards that the states must incorporate into their child abuse statutes. CAPTA requires the definition of child abuse and neglect to include, "Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm." Pursuant to the CAPTA standard, a short spanking is unlikely to constitute child abuse because it does not result in serious physical or emotional harm. However, if the parent repeatedly spanked the child with a closed fist or on a body part that resulted in significant pain then the parent's action could constitute child abuse depending on the severity of the actions and the state in which the actions occurred. Further, if the parent's actions resulted in a physical injury then the action could constitute abuse.

Corporal punishment is the intentional infliction of pain that is designed to punish a person for his or her actions and teach that person not to do it again. Corporal punishment most often refers to the physical discipline of children in a school setting. However, in many states corporal punishment remains legal. Corporal punishment seems to be most prevalent in the Southern states such as Florida. In this state, corporal punishment like parental physical discipline is allowed but the right to inflict corporal punishment is not unlimited. School administrators, teachers and other adults must still abide by the state's child abuse laws.

EFFECT OF THE CHILD ABUSE

Child physical abuse damages children both physically and emotionally. The longer physical abuse of a child continues, the more serious the consequences. The initial effects of physical abuse are painful and emotionally traumatic for the child. The long-term consequences of physical abuse impact on the child in their adult life, on their family and on the community. In the most extreme cases, physical abuse results in the death of the child. Studies of physically abused children and their families indicate that a significant number of physical and psychological problems are associated with child physical abuse. Abused children compared with non-abused children may have more difficulty with academic performance, self-control, self-image and social relationships.

Initial Effects of Child Physical Abuse

Immediate pain, suffering and medical problems in some cases death caused by physical injury.

Emotional problems such as anger, hostility, fear, anxiety, humiliation, lowered self-esteem and inability to express feelings.

Behavioral problems such as aggression by the child towards others or self-destructive behavior, hyperactivity, truancy, inability to form friendships with peers and poor social skills. Poorer cognitive and language skills than non-abused children.

Long Term Consequences Of Child Physical Abuse

Long term physical disabilities, for example, brain damage or eye damage.

Disordered interpersonal relationships, for example, difficulty trusting others within adult relationships or violent relationships.

A predisposition to emotional disturbance.

Feelings of low self esteem.

Depression.

An increased potential for child abuse as a parent.

Drug or alcohol abuse.

THE REPORTED CASES OF ABUSE IN DISCIPLINING CHILD

By Daily Mail reporter

An Islamic school teacher has been taken into custody in Malaysia for allegedly beating to death a seven-year-old boy accused theft. Saiful Syazani Saiful Sopfidee had been accused by the teacher at the sekolah Agama Al-Furqan hostel in the state of Perlis of stealing seven Malaysia ringgit from a fellow student. According to reports, he was allegedly tied to a window for two hours, beaten and strangled. News reports have described the tragedy as the worst known caces of pupil abuse in at least 15 years. Mohamad Nadzri hussin, a police chief in the southern state of Perlis, said the child who suffered multiple head injuries and internal bleeding, slipped into a coma following the beating on Thursday and died on Sunday morning. He added the 26 years old teacher, who is also warden of the private school, could be charged with murder, which carries a penalty of death by hanging on conviction. "No one should take the law into their own hands" Hussin said. "We do not condone beatings and torture of students. Saiful's adoptive mother Hazirah Chin, 38, who had been raising him as her son since his own mother died in 2007, told the Malaysia Star that the seven years old was obedient and cheerful boy who had never had any problems at school. "I decided to send him to a religious school as he was keen on Islamic Studies. I last saw him when I sent him there on March 27", she said. She added that she found out about the incident after receiving a call from the teacher telling her that the boy had been amitted to the Tuanku Fauziah Hospital in the state of capital Kangar after being injured, and seeking her permission for him to be transferred as his condition was worsening.

'When I arrived at the Tuanku Fauziah Hospital, a doctor told me that he believed my son was tied up before being assaulted as there were rope marks on his wrists,' she said.

Single mother charged with child abuse

2011/06/27

KUALA LUMPUR: A single mother pleaded not guilty at the Magistrate's Court here today to three charges of abusing her eight-year-old son and leaving him without reasonable supervision.

Lai Sok Ping, 37, a sales promoter, was alleged to have caned her son on his thighs, placed his hands on a lighted stove and left him unattended at their home in Sungai Besi on November 27 last year. She was charged under Section 31(1)(a) of the Child Act 2001 for the first two offences which are punishable by a maximum jail term of 10 years, or fine not more than RM20,000 upon conviction. The third charge of leaving the child without reasonable supervision is punishable by a jail term of maximum two years or fine of up to RM5,000 or both. Magistrate Zaki Asyraf Zubir set bail at RM15,000 for each charge and fixed July 11 for re-mention. Lai was represented by counsel Wan Azmir Wan Majid while Deputy Public Prosecutor Siti Hajar Alias appea