Disadvantages Of A Road Trip

Published Date: 02 Nov 2017

I jumped up from the kitchen table. I never saw Ed act that way… ever. I turned to him and wondered why he would be so angry. The only thing I wanted him to do was get me a huge map. I need it if we are bringing our friends on this road trip.

Two months ago…

It all started about two months ago. Ed and I were sitting down at the cafeteria in school doing homework. It was Study Hall, so of course we were bored. Anyway, I had my new black Dell laptop computer on the table. I had to check my email, it was important. It was so important, that if I didn't look at it today I was going to lose my mind. My hand touched the mouse and I moved the arrow to my inbox. I clicked on the link that said "Inbox". I heard the Hallelujah chorus in my head as I got mail from the Walt Disney Company. I opened it and I jumped for joy! I won a trip to Disneyland: one of the greatest places on the planet. The best part is, I could bring five friends.

"YES!" I yelled as I jumped up from the chair. Everybody turned to me with expressions that caused me to stop because I looked weird shouting and standing up for victory. I sat down. Ed's dark brown eyes stared at me. He shook his head in agony, "Why, Joe?"

I sighed, "Because… I felt happy."

I decided to give him the baby blue eyes routine. Ed turned to see a piece of aluminum foil. He wrapped it up in a huge ball and pegged me with it, "Happy with what?"

I turned to him. He did not just do what I think he did. Even though I was about to pick a fight with him, I had to move on, because if I fought back, there would be a fight and the list goes on from there. I sighed as I looked up to see Ed. His arms were across his chest and it showed me that he wanted to know something. Instantly, I turned the laptop around and he looked at me, "That's why you're so happy? Well, so am I! I'm in!"

"Why should I let you come with me?" I asked, "You threw a foil ball at my head."

I rubbed the sore spot. Ed found another foil ball and he pegged me again on the other side of the forehead, "Stop complaining."

"Complaining?" I asked, "This is a good thing Ed."

Ed raised his eyebrows, "Run that by me again?"

"I can plan a little… road trip with five people," I said.

Ed laughed, "You? Road Trip? You can't even drive a car!"

He laughed so hard, that everyone turned to him. Ed opened his eyes and turned to see everybody, including myself. Ed stopped laughing and everybody threw foil at him. Ed yelled as he fell and landed on the floor. He got up from the floor after feeling a little bit disgruntled and he sat down in agony. He brushed off his white collared shirt and black shorts "You were serious."

I nodded, "My Road Test is next week."

"And you're driving on the highway for the first time," said Ed. He looked at me, "There's more than just driving that concerns me."

"And that is?" I asked.

Ed wrote down a long list of things in about two minutes. He then gave it to me. I looked at him and as I read the list:

THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT WHEN GOING ON A ROAD TRIP:

Gas Money

Forest Fires

Car Trouble

Do We Even Have a Car?

The list went on, but I ripped it in half, "Ed, things are going to be okay. You are such a worry wart."

Ed stood up and yelled, "I'M NOT WORRYING! I'M BEING SERIOUS!"

Suddenly, another foil ball hit Ed. Ed yelled as he fell and landed on the floor. I shook my head and went back to my laptop computer still hearing Ed moan.

Back to the present time…

"So?" I asked, "What was so hard about buying a map?"

"It cost me $120," yelled Ed. He threw the device on the table. I took out a foil ball and threw it at his head. I grabbed the device and went up to his ear. I was so angry right now, my face was so red that smoke came out of my ears as I went to yell.

"YOU IDIOT! YOU GOT A GPS! I WANTED AN ACTUAL MAP! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

Ed looked at him, "I didn't want you to flip pages every time we went through a state! Besides, there's a female voice programmed."

"Oh, so we have Lola version 3.1 in the car now? You do know that my mom has a GPS System! Every time we make a wrong turn, it yells at us. I want to smack the device so badly with a baseball bat! That's it! I'm bringing my metal bat!" I yelled.

I headed up the stairs. Ed looked up at him and turned to the GPS System, "It's not that bad. I mean it could be a man's voice in the GPS System and not a woman's."

"Shut up! I don't care!" I yelled, "I don't want a woman telling me what to do!"

Ed rolled his eyes as he took out his backpack, "Shut up, Ed," he said to himself, "It's just Joe's alter ego."

I ran down the stairs with my metal bat and I threw it. The metal bat missed Ed and the bat crashed into the window, then the wooden fence and then an old lady who was reading a book. I turned to Ed and he looked at me, "I swear," I said, "You bring that, you are dead."

"Joe, would you mind telling me what's going on?" asked Ed.

"Simple... it's Brooke! She's coming!" I yelled.

"So? She's hot," said Ed.

I turned to Ed, "Listen to me! I know something that you don't know! Brooke is... annoying, a dumb blonde, clumsy, hyper on sugar. Hello! She's more annoying than... my sister."

"Yes," said Ed, "That's understandable. But did you ever think that may be she wants to get away from her problems?"

"Women have problems, genius," I said.

"But, Brooke has a rare breed of problems," said Ed, "She isn't THAT bad."

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Everyone turned around and looked at the door. Ed opened the door and a smile came across his face. It was a girl with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and she was wearing a pink tank top with white shorts.

"Oh, hello," she said.

Ed began to smile, "Brooke."

I turned around and I saw Ed faint on the floor, with his tongue sticking out. I walked over and picked Ed up from the ground and lay his body on the stairs.

"Damn you," I said.

"Well, excuse me. Ed wanted me to go," she said.

"He say... wha?" I asked.

He grabbed a brown, sturdy rope from the kitchen. He turned to Ed, who was still sleeping like a baby on the floor. Brooke looked at him and she went up toward me.

"You better not do what I think you're going to do," said Brooke.

I looked at her and gave a weak smile. I threw Ed on my shoulder and put him on the roof of the car. It was a gas-guzzling Hummer. A Hummer with powerful engines. I tied a rope and wrapped it around Ed. However, his eyes opened up and he looked at the place, "Joe! NO! Joe!"

Brooke took out her green digital camera as I got in the car. I started the engine and backed out of the driveway. I then turned to go forward. I was going ninety miles per hour, hitting mailboxes. Ed was screaming like a baby. Revenge was sweet. After that, I pulled back in the driveway and untied Ed. Ed punched me in the stomach, "You deserved it."

I nodded, "I do," I said in a girly voice, "Okay... let's... let's... let's... let's... get the luggage in the car and pick up the others

A/N: Hey, it's me. I finally decide to look at my FictionPress account... maybe I should finish this story? So, here's another chapter for all of you guys.

II. Middle Fingers and Beer Bottles

So, we all piled into the Hummer. I had to get myself comfortable, knowing that there was going to be a long drive. My parents weren't home, so I couldn't say goodbye to them. However, they were on their own little trip. By two weeks, I need to have a job when they return. Heck, fat chance. You shouldn't have given me the money so I can do this. Anyway, Ed was in the passenger seat while Brooke was in the back seat with her iPod on. The next person we were going to pick up is Jake Burrows. Jake lived next to our high school, which was pretty convenient.

Making a left onto the street, I was having a wonderful five minutes of driving a gas-guzzling Hummer. I noticed his house on the right. It was red with a two car garage. It had a brown door with golden knobs. Pulling on to the curb, I didn't notice that there was a bump on the curb. Ed looked at me with a disgruntled look.

"What?" I asked.

"Jackass," muttered Ed.

I honked the horn and pushed Ed's window button. The window lowered as I yelled out, "Come on, daylight's burning!"

The door opened up. Jake was tan-skinned with black jeans and a blue t-shirt. He had a white Baseball jersey over him with the New York Yankees logo on it. He had a big suitcase and a backpack and a small bag, which contained some contents. I was scared for my life. As he walked toward the car, I opened the trunk. He put the suitcase in the trunk and brought his backpack in the car with his bag. Doesn't he realize how much room he's not going to have?

"Hey," said Jake, laughing.

"Hi, what's wrong with you?" asked Ed.

Brooke looked at him, "Yeah, seriously."

"Uh," said Jake, pulling out a beer from the bag, "It's party time!"

Ed turned around, "Whoa! Jake, we are underage teenagers and it's illegal to drink a beer in the car!"

Jake laughed as he opened the window and took off the cap. He threw it in the driveway, "Screw it."

Ed looked at me. I shook my head. We could say whatever we wanted until we were blue in the face. But, Jake just loved to live on the edge. Hence, why he was the biggest player in high school and why he almost got someone pregnant last month.

We drove away and headed to our last house. It was Brooke's best friend, Mary. Mary was a great person to hang out with. However, Brooke may be nuts, but she is worse than nuts. However, she always has a soft spot to help her fellow friends in need, hence why I still hang with her today.

Turning on her street, I noticed a few middle school kids just staying in the middle of the road. I hit the brakes hard and they look at me like a deer in the headlights. I pushed on the horn and the 12 year old kids were giving me the finger. Ed looked at me as I rolled down my window, "Screw you, you stupid sixth graders."

Brooke looked at me, "That was mean!"

Jake laughed, "I enjoyed it… hey, want one? After that, we could go into the trunk and-."

"No thanks, slut puppy," said Brooke, looking at him.

The house was bright pink with blue flowers along the front yard. As they pulled into the driveway, a blonde haired teenager popped out with her two suitcases. She rushed toward the car. I decided to be a jerk and reach for the gear. Switching it to reverse, I started backing out of her driveway. Mary started running towards the car like a little grizzly bear, screaming and whining as she tried to get to us. I stopped as I opened the trunk. Mary looked at me, gave me the finger and threw her stuff in the back of the trunk. Stepping in to the back, she noticed that Jake was in the car.

"Hi, Joe, why is this manwhore with us?" asked Mary.

"I'm not a manwhore. I just got game," said Jake.

Ed laughed as the girls went to grab him by the neck. Brooke took his beer bottle, opened the window and threw it at someone's window while I was driving the crazy vehicle.

"So," said Ed, "Where's our first stop before we hit Disney World?"

I laughed as I looked at him. I made a right as I saw the highway entrances. Yep, the New York State Thruway was right in front of us. As I stopped at the traffic lights, I managed to make a left to head Northbound toward Albany.

"Uh, why are we going to Albany?" asked Ed, "Florida's that way!"

"Shut up!" I shouted, "How the hell do we get to New Jersey is the question?"

As we merged onto the Interstate highway, I sat down as I saw the green sign that appeared above the road that led to our high school…

EXIT 15: I-287

New Jersey

Exit 1 Mile

"Problem solved," I said, laughing hysterically. Brooke and Mary were looking at each other as they were talking about how awesome this summer was going to be. Jake was counting the number of condoms in his pocket and he went to open another beer. However, Brooke grabbed his bottle. She looked as she saw the New York state trooper parked on the side of the road.

"What gives?" asked Jake.

"State Troopers are bad news," said Brooke, "Let me tell you from experience."

Yeah, that's why Brooke's not driving. She was going 80 in a 35 because she was running late and the police pulled her over. She's suspended from driving for a year.

Anyway, I veered right with the exit. Mary and Brooke started taking pictures of the trees and the beautiful mountains of the HudsonValley. Ed sat back and relaxed as he went to grab a bottle of water from his cup holder. However, he looked at my gas tank on my console. Merging to get on Interstate 287, the gas light turned on.

"DAMN!" I yelled.

"You forgot to get gas, didn't you?" asked Ed, looking at him.

"Yes, I did," I said, "And we just missed the exit with gas!"

I looked at the sign that was coming up. I wanted to flip a shit.

"7 MILES?" I asked, "THE NEXT EXIT IS IN 7 MILES?"

Ed grumbled as he put his head along the window, "Good night."

Thanks for the support, Ed.