Most Important Tool Used By Humans Communication

Published Date: 02 Nov 2017

There is not just one given way of communicating effectively it involves many different elements and processes, however if a person aims to learn the key competencies this will allow them to gain knowledge and self- awareness which as a result will give them access to having a higher level of interpersonal skills and relationships. This will also allow them to discover their blind spots in communication or said another way they will discover their barriers, strengths and weaknesses and what works and what doesn’t work in their communication.

To understand how to communicate effectively a person needs to first learn what the communication process involves. The main point to understand is that for communication to occur effectively the message from one person must be clearly sent to another. This is where the person, who receives the message, understands the true meaning of what the sender intended to get across to the receiver.

Although this process may seem simple- it is not easy because there are many variables that can affect it.

One of the major elements that affect this seemingly simple process of sending and receiving messages is that communication is not a linear process. It involves a two way process of communicating bringing together both person’s contribution. Phillip G. Clampitt (2009) uses the analogy that "Communication is a dance" where two people have to co-ordinate their movements and reach a mutual understanding of where they are heading. This is where it becomes complex mainly because there are both verbal and non verbal messages being sent at the same time by two people at the same time. The aspect of communication that adds the complexities to the receiver understanding the message from the sender is usually the nonverbal signals that are sent out. Nonverbal communication is described by S. Steinberg (1995) as all human communication that is not written or spoken. Nonverbal communication includes a wide range of behaviors such as body movements, eye contact, facial expressions, appearance and the use of touch and space and tone of voice. Although this is a very broad topic on its own there are key elements about how to use and better understand nonverbal communication to maximize the level and quality of interpersonal relationships.

One of the tools used to ensure that a sender’s message is being understood by the receiver is to practice and participate in Active Listening. According to Thomas Gordon (1975), active listening involves carefully attending to and demonstrating understanding of what another person says. There three main functions for active listening. The first function is for the receiver to check in with the sender that they understand what is being said or better still what the sender is meaning to say so there is no misinterpretation of the intended message. The second function of active listening is to let the speaker know that their expression of feelings has been acknowledged and accepted. For example a response that demonstrates this might be "You sound upset and annoyed" or "You seem really happy about it" this will also give the sender of the message the opportunity to correct the receiver if they have misinterpreted the message they were intending to express. The third function of active listening stimulates the speaker to explore feelings and thoughts and elaborate on what they have just expressed. For example they may respond by saying "Yes I am really happy, it feels like this is the first time things are going my way" or "No I’m not upset I am just really disappointed with my marks because I expected to get a higher result"

There are five key elements of active listening. These elements will ensure that the person who is the receiver hears and understands the sender’s message and that the sender knows that the receiver is hearing and understanding what they are saying.

The first and most important element to active listening is for the receiver to Pay Attention, they must give the speaker their undivided attention and acknowledge the message they are sending. They must recognize that non-verbal communication also speaks loudly- So for example they should look at the speaker directly and put aside distracting thoughts. They need to also avoid being distracted by environmental factors such as noise and also listen to their sender’s body language. The second element the receiver needs to know is to Show that they are listening- for example they can use their own body language and gestures to convey their attention such as nodding their head occasionally, smiling or using other facial expressions. They should check their posture and ensure that it is open and inviting. Also encouraging the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like "yes" and "uh huh" will also demonstrate active listening. The third element is providing feedback. Some of the ways the receiver can do this is by paraphrasing. For example saying things like "What I’m hearing is." And "sounds like you are saying." Asking questions is another way a listener can clarify certain points, for example saying things like "what do you mean when you say" or "Is this what you mean." The next element is one that is most commonly NOT practiced so it is important to really be aware of. The receiver needs to ensure that they do not interrupt the speaker. Interrupting when a person is speaking is a waste of time; it can frustrate the speaker and can limit the full understanding of the message. Also interrupting by counter arguing is not a demonstration of effective listening and should be avoided. The fifth and final element of active listening is responding appropriately. Active listening is a model that demonstrates respect and understanding so the listener should be candid, open and in honest when responding to the listener. It is fine for the receiver to express their opinion in response to what the speaker has said however it is important to do so respectfully and without attacking or otherwise putting the speaker down.

Active listening is one of the two key skills in building rapport between people. The reason why this is important is because as mentioned previously human beings are designed to be social creatures and need to feel they are accepted and that they belong. Wikipedia defines Rapport as one of the most important features and characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being "in sync" with or being "on the same wavelength. Rapport was designed to emphasis the similarities between two people. Molden & Hutchinson, (2006) say; Rapport is essentially meeting individuals in their model of the world. We all have different upbringings, experiences and ways of being. We are all unique, with different beliefs, capabilities and identities. We all see the world differently. To gain rapport with others you need to acknowledge them and their view of the world. You do not have to agree with it, just recognise and respect it. With this said rapport is therefore an important element to establish when creating new relationships personally and professionally. It creates trust and understanding between people which leads to feeing a greater sense of belonging. This is a key factor in interpersonal communication because when people feel safe and secure they are more likely to be open in their listening, speaking and also disclose more about themselves.

To effectively build rapport De Vito (2007) suggests having appropriate eye contact, smiling, using the person’s name frequently during a conversation, and focusing on the person’s remarks. Molden & Hutchinson (2006) say that rapport can be also established through body language, tone of voice and words.

Also for two people to establish rapport there is an additional requirement that needs to be practiced, this is known as pacing. Pacing involves using the voice to match or mirror the other person’s vocal elements such as tone, phrasing, tempo, pitch, rate of speech, volume and pauses. However, when two people meet for the first time and like or ‘click’ with one another they will tend to pace naturally. When rapport has been established, another useful skill that builds effective interpersonal relationships is empathy.

Rushton (1981, p. 260) defines empathy as "experiencing the emotional state of another." Or explained another way it’s when a person can relate and feel what the other person feels. It also means a person can have the ability to put themselves in the place of the person speaking, even if they are not in agreement with their actions. Demonstrating empathy enables a receiver to have an understanding of the feelings, beliefs and motives of the speaker, and the ability to paraphrase the understanding of the situation back to the person while still having separateness to the discussion. An aspect of demonstrating empathy is also about practicing empathetic listening this means carefully listening to what is being said, watching the speaker’s non verbal actions as this gives the listener a better understanding of how the speaker actually feels about the problem, then mentally organising what is being discussed while sorting through the information that is important and actionable. However, chances are, on the road to empathic listening there may be an exposure to barriers or roadblocks within communication. This can cause messages to be unclear to the receiver. The way a person articulates the message is vitally important as the intention is for the person to self disclose, if the receiver feels they are being threatened, judged, analysed, blamed or criticised this can cause barriers to effective communication and the possibility of self disclosure is lost. There are ways in which to respond emphatically to a discussion, and that is to help the speaker move forward, by re-iterating what was discussed in an emphatic manner, or, paraphrasing. This helps the speaker to identify what the source of the problem is by exploring the issue at hand by pin pointing the key word/s, then, be able to make decisions on how to solve it. When empathy is incorporated into a professional environment such as a helper and client scenario, using the above tools increases the potential for the client to open up, which enhances the success of a helpful session. And, in a session such as this, the helper remains non judgmental on the clients behaviors because if an evaluation is judgment biased there is a possibility that the helper may see their behaviors through labels and may fail to see the bigger picture. So, the main focus is to gain an understanding and learn about the person’s background, whilst also understand their feelings, experiences, abilities and fears without judgment.

Furthermore, it is evident in the text above that building a Rapport when meeting someone new, practicing empathy and effective listening are all major contributing skills to ensure we become better communicators in our everyday lives. Through education and a willingness to accept that we all have failures in our communication techniques from time to time is the first step to recognising we, can, in fact become better communicators if we try. De Vito (2008) says; ‘the more you know about interpersonal communication, the more insight and knowledge you’ll gain about what works and what doesn’t work. Thus, once we have identified what our strengths and weaknesses are in interpersonal communication, we can focus on the strengths and work on the weaknesses.